When big tragedies strike the world or just people I know, I often feel a quality of deep calmness and joy underneath the concern and sadness. Although, I do my best to hide this reaction from others, I cannot hide it from myself. Sometimes I think I must be the most uncaring person in the world!!! What's wrong with me?
One of the problems with rushing to human judgment regarding yourself (or anyone else for that matter) is that very often such assessments are wrong. Although it is certainly not unusual for ego-centered beings to experience relief and even take delight in the sufferings of others (because it makes their own lives feel temporarily better by comparison), be assured that is not what is occurring in your case.
The deep calm and joy you are feeling is coming from a much truer place of knowing and Love. At that level of awareness, you realize such personal and global tragedies (although highly painful) are actually profound opportunities for mankind to wake up from its deep sleep of enslaving illusion.
When you consider that the human race has endured eons of dire limitation and suffering (with no apparent end in sight), anything that can potentially divert, slow down or even halt such a seemingly endless path of deprivation and destruction must ultimately be positive!
Furthermore, these alarming circumstances are often what those deepest in illusory sleep need - given their lack of response to earlier, more subtle wake-up calls. Seen in a positive light, such tragedies provide new hope and fresh opportunities for even the most comatose among us.
In the case of early risers like yourself who have already begun to awaken (most likely due to previous challenges or tragedies of your own), such dramatic occurrences serve an additional purpose. They provide clear conformation you are heading in the right direction as well as encourage you to stay focused and alert along the way - which is very important given the tendency to fall back asleep (even if just for the occasional nap) before full awakening is achieved.
Consequently, cease judging such feelings of calmness and joy and instead put them to divine use - first internally as fuel for your own journey homeward and then outwardly in the form of Loving encouragement and inspiring aid to others (especially those currently facing tragedy in their lives).
All things in creation (when you hold trust in your heart) can be utilized for the highest good. Even the worst human nightmare imaginable contains within its shadows the promise of tomorrow's Light!
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